Revelations

Revelations...don't they always come when you need them most? Lately, its been small things, reflections of light on a window pane, the wind whipping clouds of pale, yellow ash across the highway sending road crews scattering, images of time, a doorway in an old house...nothing profound but a sense that there is a world underneath the world where relevance is indeterminable--there's just too many clues.

I like that best, where you realize that control over your life is an illusion. Events, like atoms in a permanent state of quantum collision, create a web of pushes, pulls or just background for our personal dramas. Once I believed that by paying attention to these clues, by unravelling the mystery of their apparent dis-synergies I could see reality for what it really was. I could see direction in life, and there would be no more confusion. I was wrong. I ended up doing the same impossible feat that physicists perform daily in their ritual calculations -- trying to cut up the atom, and then trying to cut up the smaller elements of what they already cut up, and they keep doing this thinking they will eventually get to the building block for the atom. Godspeed.

No, you see...its all about kung fu. I mean that in every sense of the word. To find yourself you need to get lost. To be sane you should contemplate madness. You cannot have something without understanding its nature. You cannot understand its nature without understanding its opposite. Control vs. chaos. Let go in order to posses. That sort of thing.

So, what of these moments, seemingly caught out of relevant time. What happens to them? I guess they are where they are, they live in my mind, they live outside of time, always ready to inspire.